I admit it. As a parent, I hate homework. I resent it. When my kids come home from school I ask the required parental question " do you have homework?" Secretly I have my fingers crossed behind my back hoping that they say no, or that they did it already. When they say no, especially when all four of them say no, I want to jump up on the counter and do a little happy dance. I have often wondered if this makes me a bad parent, a bad partner to my child's education, or evil in an educational way.
I also wonder if teachers really know what goes on with their students after they leave school. They can't be completely clueless to everything their students do. On any given day after school we may be juggling sports practices or games, (soccer, football or basketball depending on the time of year for us, and we don't do baseball or volleyball like some families), music lessons, drama club, chess club, doctor, dentist or orthodondist appointments, play dates, cooking, eating dinner, chores and all the other day to day life stuff. We don't do dance, gymnastics, church activities or scouts as many other families do as well. Sometimes we like to do family stuff -- like play, or snuggle, talk about our days, read a book or watch tv together.
So when they answer that yes they do have homework I know that our whole afternoon and evening is going to change. Suddenly I feel like I become the bad guy. I have to remind, cajole, nag, plead, beg, order, yell, convince and hope that they will do their homework. There are tears, temper tantrums, hurt feelings, pouting, screaming, throwing and breaking things -- and not all of them from the kids. So many times I look at their homework and feel like I have time traveled to a younger version of myself, and feel the insecurity again of not knowing what I am doing. I am supposed to be smarter than my children, yet often I find myself baffled by their homework, or I'm told I am doing it wrong. When they have homework the whole feeling of the evening will change. The loving, snuggling, fun, free to do whatever we want day is gone. Instead the day will be changed, it will be more tense, more stressful, and less fun.
And the guilt if we don't do it. My first grader has a homework log. Each night we are supposed to record the amount of time we spend doing homework, and what kind we do, spelling, math flash cards, dolche words, or read alouds. We are supposed to hit 100+ minutes a week, and the students are keeping a running graph of their homework minutes. At conferences I was told that we had only turned in our homework log sheet 60% of the time. Sixty percent. My son has a D in first grade because I haven't filled out his homework log efficiently enough. I admit -- I have been fudging on his homework log. I don't keep track, and on now on Sunday night I just fill in random times on the days to make it look good. Am I going to hell for this? I don't know. I know my life and my child are happier.
And my older kids? The guilt is worse there, because of course, their grades matter more. I know that in theory they are old enough, they are supposed to be responsible for their own homework and the consequences if they don't get it done. However, in reality, if they don't get it done, the parents get called, get the letters home that must be signed and returned. In those calls or notes I feel the underlying accusation that my parenting skills are at fault, that somehow I have failed because their homework isn't getting done and turned in. I get the helpful newsletters which recommend having a set time, a quiet place free of distractions set aside for their individual use. Ha! And how do you decide when to step in and how much to interfere, and whether to let them learn to fail or succeed on their own? And isn't it the school's responsibilite to deal with this, and mine to deal with all the other things that come up, like missed curfews and sibling rivalry?
I don't want it to sound like I don't care about my kids' education. I do. We do things together at night. We play games, which I tell myself covers the math facts. We read. We do fun experiments (currently we have eggs in vinegar and blue food coloring on the window sill). We go out to walk the dog and look at the changing seasons, collect rocks, leaves, bugs and other things we find along the way. We cook together and measure out the ingredients. We measure how much the kids have grown. We sing silly songs. We color, and draw and paint and make playdough. We watch movies. We play legos and create space ships that will travel to far away lands, and think up names for the next Mars Rover. We take trips, like to the Museum of Flight, or the beach.
So now, as a future teacher, I have to ask myself what will I do about homework? I listen to some of my fellow interns talk about different school districts having requirements for the amount of homework, increasing for each grade. I read studies which dispute the effectiveness of homework. I struggle with the idea of giving something to my students that I as a parent despise. I wonder about my perceived teacher impressions of me and my childrens homework. I wonder if we are normal, or if we are at the "really bad homework people" end of the spectrum. Do other families hate homework as much as me? Do they do it anyway, or do they fudge the reading logs and homework logs minutes too? Am I a homework rebel? Do my childrens' teachers mutter under their breath about my lack of support in the homework area? As a teacher will I judge children and parents by whether they turn in homework or not?
Reading "Creating Welcoming Schools" by JoBeth Allen this week has made me feel better about my homework hate. It made me realize I am not alone.
Unfortunately it doesn't solve any problems. I walked in tonight after a long day of school to ask the dreaded question, and the even more dreaded answer. Four yes-es. Ugh. One temper tantrum, one teary break down, one snit, one yelling contest and one "we don't do it that way" later we are done. One more fun loving family evening gone.
